Monday, January 31, 2005
Daily Grin January 31
I really don't mind the cold weather. Even 40 below isn't too cold for me, but that doesn't keep me from enjoying the break in our cold snap. Today was practically balmy!! It was about +32F and I wasn't sure if I even needed my jacket.... I sure didn't zip it up!
Tomorrow is the first day of February, any guesses on what's going to happen on Groundhog day? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
You Know You Are Addicted to Coffee If...
You sleep with your eyes open.
~~~
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves. "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?", to which the lady replied "Yes".
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing!"
~~~
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Daily Grin January 30
I can't believe it myself, but I have yet another week of groaners lined up for your reading enjoyment and a new series for you coffee addicts!
Have yourselves a fun filled week!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
You Know You Are Addicted to Coffee If...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
~~~
Strange Diet
A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?"
Eventually" said the Doctor, "she will rise and shine!"
~~~
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Daily Grin January 29
Today was all about kicking back and doing as little as possible. Well, except for the cooking. Saturday is roast beast day here and today was no exception. We picked up a small prime rib, I threw together some spuds au gratin and we added steamed, buttered carrots to the mix. Black forest frozen yogurt for dessert. mmmmmm
I'd like to take a moment to welcome our newest subscribers. The Daily Grin is now emailed to over 30 folks per day. Several more read the blog version. Not bad for a little internet jokester... Thanks for subscribing and keep that word-of-mouth spreading!
Hope you are enjoying the weekend (I'm plotting another week of groaners) !!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
~~~
Census taker: How many children do you have?
Woman: Four.
Census taker: May I have their names, please?
Woman: Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.
Census taker: Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?
Woman: Because we didn't want any Mo.
~~~
Friday, January 28, 2005
Daily Grin January 28
The weekend is here again. I had wanted to leave work early today, but I don't think that five minutes early should count! Maybe next weekend. My workload is back to 'workable' for now, though it could be picking up again very soon.
January is almost over!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
~~~
A Potato Story
You know that all potatoes have eyes . . . Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other. They finally got married and had a little one -- a real SWEET POTATO whom they called "Yam." They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting Half Baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
She said not to worry -- no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. Mr. and Mrs. Potato even warned Yam, before sending her to Europe, to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said that she should watch out for the Indians, when going out west, because she could get Scalloped.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to "Idaho P.U." (Potato University) from which the Big Potatoes come; then, when she graduated, she'd really be in the Chips. But one day she came home and told them she was going to marry Walter Cronkite. Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told her that she couldn't marry him, because he's just a . . .COMMON TATER!
~~~
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Daily Grin January 27
Wow, it's amazing!! I *really, REALLY* suck at bowling! It was fun and I did manage to keep a few balls between the gutters and even knocked down a few pins eventually. I also learned that I bowl a little better left-handed than right even tho most of my gutter balls went left, no matter which hand I used. lol Once I warmed up, I bowled a few strikes, but I'm sure they were mostly flukes. Overall, I think I would be just fine if it took another 25 years to touch a bowling ball.
Hubby is feeling better today, but we're both heading to bed early to ensure we stay healthy.
Hey, it's almost Friday!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
~~~
A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. Looking at the string, the bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve strings."
"What? That sucks," said the string. So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself up and messes up his ends. A couple moments later he comes back out and approaches the bar again and again orders a drink.
"Hey, aren't you that string?" asks the bartender.
"Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
~~~
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Daily Grin January 26
Poor hubby isn't feeling well. Might be the flu coming for a visit. Sore throat, ear ache, tired, feeling icky. I think I'll try to get some extra sleep tonite, just to make sure I fight it off easily.
Tomorrow, I'm going 5-pin bowling and for pizza with my co-workers after work... and then it's Friday!
We might even have nice weather for the weekend!!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
Mama Get The Hammer (Theres A Fly On Papa's Head)
~~~
Brown Paper Pete
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," says the bartender. "He wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," said the bartender.
~~~
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Daily Grin January 25
The groans continue. I have a few more for you this week and then I think we'll return to regular chuckles. By the way, it's been brought to my attention that there are only eleven months until Christmas!! Just thought I'd pass that along.
Have YOU started shopping yet??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
~~~
In Surgery
Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up and demands to know what is going on.
"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.
The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision."
The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."
~~~
BONUS GRIN
The first reindeer seen in a bar
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
~~~
Monday, January 24, 2005
Daily Grin January 24
We are finally enjoying some milder temperatures. It's 18F right now and will go up to 32F overnite. The downside to that is the risk of freezing rain, which is my least favorite weather. Looks like this will be a productive week at work and that things might finally settle down to a normal pace (famous last words!).
How's your week so far??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
~~~
A Chilly Reception
A wool peddler in a small town very long ago pulled his cart of wool from his farm to the village market. It was a long and tiring trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the local tycoon, a notoriously ill-tempered old man.
One day, during the winter, the lake froze over. As he headed for the village, the peddler realized he could cut two miles off his trip if he crossed over the lake, so he trudged out onto the ice.
He was about halfway across when the owner spotted him from an upstairs room. The old man threw open a window, waved his cane at the peddler and shouted, "Get off my lake! I'll be darned if I'll let anyone pull the wool over my ice."
~~~
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Daily Grin January 23
There's something to be said for shopping in January. There are some really excellent deals to be had! A clothing store I went to this afternoon was knocking an additional 50% off anything already marked down. It's back to work tomorrow. I wonder what kind of fun awaits me after my day off Friday?
How'd you like another week of groaners??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
~~~
Car Repairs
A man's car was in the garage again. The owner said, "Actually, just yelling at the dang thing often helps. You have to yell just right, though. There are professionals who, after years of training and specialized emotional therapy can handle that for you if you can't figure it out. Of course, you already knew that a well-adjusted car berater can solve a lot of problems!"
~~~
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Daily Grin January 22
We were back to "dang cold" again today, but expecting milder weather tomorrow. Not much new to say... we're enjoying a nice quiet weekend.
Having fun yet??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
~~~
A Little More
A man was infatuated with a young woman, but was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he even told his therapist that every time he got near her he felt like he was unimportant. He said that he felt as insignificant as a tiny pebble.
"Well," his therapist responded, "If you want to get the girl you'll just have to be a little boulder!"
~~~
Friday, January 21, 2005
Daily Grin January 21
I'm enjoying my long weekend. Did a little shopping today and will do a little more tomorrow. The temperature was milder again today and will be near +30F on Sunday. I think it was +5F today, with some snow. By the way, today's "groan" is particularly bad.... prepare yourself! lol
Enjoy the weekend!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
~~~
oooo this one is VERY bad!!
Zoo Cleanup
Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches that have died of old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage.
When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not," he says as puts them in the sack with the finches.
Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals from the sack, into the lions' cage.
"Bloody hell!" roars the lion. "Not finch and chimps again!"
~~~
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Daily Grin January 20
Wow, a long weekend!! I hope the weather holds out tomorrow. I want to do some shopping. I did get out at lunch today to do some of the shopping I have wanted to do, but there's always more more more!! Had a very productive day at work today
Have you seen the latest JibJab piece? Here's a link. If you haven't yet, be sure to watch them all!! (watch out for renegade ads.. don't get sucked in by fake "surveys".)
Have a great weekend!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
~~~
Blonde Winner
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she's peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."
But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"
The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!"
And she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads... "WIN A BAGEL"
~~~
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Daily Grin January 19
Hey, guess what!!? Dr Hit and Run actually managed to leave his parking spot without hitting my car.... wow... imagine that! lol We're still having weird weather.... it was zero F when I left work... it was actually NICE out!! (compared to -40) but the weird part was that even at zero, we had freezing drizzle. Maybe the weather thermometers are too close to the ice... how can you have rain when it's only zero!!?
Looks like I'll have Friday off this week. I have a lot to do tomorrow so that I can relax and enjoy the weekend.
Is it Thursday yet??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
~~~
Pasteurflies
A man was watching a cow being milked. Being from the city, it was the first time he had seen this. As the man was watching, a fly flew in the cow's ear.
Then the man noticed a fly in the milk pail. He asked the farmer how that could have happened.
"It's simple," said the farmer. "In one ear and out the udder."
~~~
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Daily Grin January 18
We had some wild weather today!! It warmed up to about 25F with lots of wind and blowing snow. I'm sure the drive in will be interesting tomorrow. I moved to a different work area today and all that packing and hauling really got me heated up... so... I went outside to cool off. No jacket, no sweater, just me in my pants and tshirt. I got a few funny looks, but it did help me cool down a little.
Hey... d'yall remember Dr Hit and Run?? The dude who hit my car in the parkade last spring?? Well, I am waiting to transfer to a different parking spot because he still parks beside me. Today when I pulled into my spot, I was none too happy. We park facing an angled wall, so his car is beside, but ahead of my car. When I came home, I noticed that he had parked at a very bad angle for pulling out and he was also too far over to my side of his spot (the back end of his car is angled slightly toward my car). If I don't leave before he does in the morning, he will probably hit my car again. He can get out safely if he's careful, but he isn't usually too careful.
Wanna guess how much $hit will fly if that jerk hits my car again??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck
~~~
Messy Soup
Checking the menu, a restaurant customer ordered a bowl of vegetable soup. After a couple of spoonfuls, he saw a circle of wetness right under the bowl on the tablecloth. He called the waitress over and said, "It's all wet down here. The bowl must be cracked."
The waitress said, "You ordered vegetable soup, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"Maybe it has a leek in it."
~~~
Monday, January 17, 2005
Daily Grin January 17
I think this managed to be the coldest day of the year so far. With the windchill, it was in the minus fifties. No biggie for me, I'm the weirdo who sticks her head in the freezer for the fresh air! I would like the cold weather much less if I had to be out in it for any length of time, but I'm spoiled silly and just have to go from my car (which has an autostarter) to the heated buildings and back. I attached the hood to my jacket and never use it and don't always put my mittens on and almost never cover my face. I have gone outside in weather like this without my jacket! I think I'm built for cold weather. I just can't relate to folks who go to hot places in the winter. Then again, I'm that weirdo with my head in the freezer!!!
Is it Friday yet??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
~~~
In A Small Texas Town
In a small Texas town, the local madam operated a telephone service. The police learned of this and soon had enough evidence to arrest her. At the arrest, they seized her big black book in which her talent was listed. Each officer on the force was assigned a group of the names in it and told to check them out.
After a week, the Chief called a meeting to get their reports.
When it became Officer Jimmy's turn, he said, "I'm sorry, Chief, but I think I should disqualify myself. One of the ladies on whom I called is an eighty-four-year-old woman. She is so charming that I have to tell you that I have fallen in love with her."
"Holy Moley!" exclaimed the Chief. "I sure am surprised at you, Jimmy. You've been a policeman almost 40 years! ... And here you are, falling for the oldest trick in the book!"
~~~
Daily Grin January 16
By popular request, another week of groaners!!! I don't know if I'm quite ready for another week of near -40F weather, but knowing that my major project is complete will make the workweek a little easier to face! I still have a busy week ahead... lots of work was "put aside" while my attention was directed in the general direction of the big fish.
Having fun yet??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
~~~
Repaired!
When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together.
In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.
"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief.
"What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"
The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."
~~~
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Daily Grin January 15
How about another week of groaners??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
~~~
Playground Rules
A few (okay, okay, not so few) years ago, I took my two daughters, then ages seven and five, to the playground at our local park. My seven year old was very proud as she was able to read the sign with all the rules to her sister. "Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion." "Go down the slide while sitting only." "Only one child on a swing at a time."
There were about twenty rules and the girls promised to obey them all, if I would trust them and let them play without Daddy standing by. They said that they were too old to be watched and their friends would tease them, calling them babies if Dad stayed. I made them promise to be good and obey the rules, and went back to begin preparing our picnic lunch.
When it was time to get the children, I decided to watch them at a distance for a while to see how reliable they were in following my instructions. I found that they obeyed most of the printed instructions. That is, all but one.
They would get on the tall semicircular slide and go down head first or backward. Angrily, I picked up the children and took them over to the posted regulations and made my seven year old read it aloud, again. Then I asked the girls what they had to say for themselves. My five year old answered immediately, "Don't be silly, Dad... No one uses a slide rule anymore."
~~~
Daily Grin January 14
I finished the major project that I've been working on since November. Finally!! There's some loose ends to tie up and loads of filing, but it's essentially done. *whew*
Now to enjoy the weekend.... I wonder if that will work out!!? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
~~~
Delivery Truck
I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw mentioned the other day. Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but they have to be delivered in a special bog-like container that will fit in a pickup truck's bed. They'll pay in food, which is exactly what the cat likes best!
For each load delivered, the company will provide one enormous home- baked casserole with a crust of middle-eastern flat bread. Mmmmmm!
That's right: a pita pie per pickup pack of puddled peepers.
~~~
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Daily Grin January 14
I finished the major project that I've been working on since November. Finally!! There's some loose ends to tie up and loads of filing, but it's essentially done. *whew*
Now to enjoy the weekend.... I wonder if that will work out!!? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
~~~
Delivery Truck
I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw mentioned the other day. Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but they have to be delivered in a special bog-like container that will fit in a pickup truck's bed. They'll pay in food, which is exactly what the cat likes best!
For each load delivered, the company will provide one enormous home- baked casserole with a crust of middle-eastern flat bread. Mmmmmm!
That's right: a pita pie per pickup pack of puddled peepers.
~~~
Friday, January 14, 2005
Daily Grin January 13
Managed to get a lot done at work today... I can see the light at the end of the tunnel... I just hope there isn't a train attached to it!!! Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!
... are we there yet?? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
~~~
The Sick Rabbit
The owner of a large rabbit became worried when his pet began to lose weight. None of the remedies of his veterinarian seemed to work. A friend suggested he ignore the prescribed nostrums and use goat's milk to fatten the bunny.
So the owner went to a nearby tallow factory where a young goat dwelt and lived off the fat drippings. Milk from this goat was fed to the declining rabbit but it's weight loss accelerated and its health began to deteriorate alarmingly.
He rushed back to the vet who asked what he had been feeding the rabbit. When told, the vet exclaimed, "Aha! That's the trouble. ... You shouldn't have used that greasy kid stuff on your hare."
~~~
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Daily Grin January 12
Another busy day... gee, why should today be any different than the other days at work eh? lol It's almost the weekend....
... are we there yet?? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
The Worst Country-Western Song Titles
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
~~~
The Optician
You know those one hour eye glass places they have in the malls these days where you can stand in the hallway and watch the people grind the lenses?
The other day I was watching one of those guys through the glass when he tripped and fell into his grinder. . . .
He made a spectacle of himself.
~~~
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Daily Grin January 11
Got plenty of work done today and still plenty more to do. At least I feel like I did something more than spin my wheels today. The local pizza joint (close to work) has oven ready lasagna (along with other choices) and I picked one up for our supper today. Pretty good and a lot faster than making it myself!!
Having a fun week yet??? J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
N' Sync Sings - Anything
~~~
A local monastery was going bankrupt. The abbot didn't know what to do. The brothers had a meeting, and decided to open a great Olde English Fish-N'-Chips stand. One day, a man knocked on the door. After one of the brothers answered the door, the man asked, "May I have just an order of fries?"
The brother said, "Hold on a moment. I'm the fish friar. You want the chip monk."
~~~
Fw: Daily Grin January 10
Busy day at work for us both today. It's going to be a hectic week and hopefully a very productive one. Hope you like groaners!!
....enjoy!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
Marilyn Manson - For Lovers Only
~~~
A couple with a mutual craving for something sweet drove to the nearest Baskin-Robbins. Having bought ice cream cones, they returned to their car to be comfortable. As they settled back to enjoy themselves, two crows landed on the front hood and began to churp and flutter, and to peck at the windshield.
The man finally figured out what they wanted. He opened the window, and put his cone on the hood. The birds immediately settled down and began eating it.
"You're wonderful." said the girl, "How did you ever think of it?"
"Nothing to it," he replied. "It was just a case of .... stilling two birds with one cone."
~~~
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Daily Grin January 9
We're back. The funeral service for hubby's brother was Thursday and we drove back home on Friday. It's back to workplace insanity tomorrow and I'm expecting to be busier than ever for the next few days while I try to catch up. I have collected a few groaners for you this week
....enjoy!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
Ol' Dirty Bastard Sings Rodgers & Hammerstein
~~~
Strange Dog Food
One of the pups in a breeder's litter of collies had a strange appetite, fostered no doubt, because the dog fancier's kennel was deep in the southern United States. The odd youngster spurned regular dog food. No meaty tid-bits could tempt him and he hated dog biscuits. Just in time to save the little dog's life, the owner found the puppy simply loved watermelons! He doted on them. His brother pups could not understand this and they teased him unmercifully. He became the butt of their pranks until his tail would droop and he would whimper and shiver in a corner.
His mother, trying to comfort him, called him to her. She said, ... "Come to me, my melon collie baby."
~~~
Monday, January 03, 2005
Daily Grin January 3
Hubby's brother passed away suddenly this morning. We'll be away for a few days for the funeral. I'm afraid I won't have time to send the grin in advance. We'll be back on the weekend, more grins then, and one for the road...
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
Tammy Faye Bakker - The Extended Remixes (A 6 CD Box Set)
~~~
A young woman really thought she'd been very patient, through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.
One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So... how do you like your rice? Boiled? Or fried?"
Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and replied, "Thrown."
~~~
Daily Grin January 2
Back to work tomorrow and lots of work waiting for me. With any luck, I can finish what I need to and take another long weekend (friday off!!). That's my goal for the week. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!
Have a great week!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
The Rolling Stones - Aren't We Dead Yet?
~~~
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. Jim sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled him out.
When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said' "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping into the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he is dead."
When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said' "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping into the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he is dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon may I go home?"
~~~
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Daily Grin January 1
More snow for us today. We're pretty much resigned to staying in until we have to go back to work on Monday. I will have a lot of shopping to catch up on next week, but for now I'm just getting some much needed rest!
I'm really turning into a sofa spud!!! J
~~~
~~~
Tips for the "day after"
* The best way to treat a red wine stain on beige carpeting is to open another bottle and do the whole room.
* If an entire beer keg was consumed at the party, you will need to bleach the bathroom floor and walls.
* To avoid embarrassment, put most of your empty liquor bottles into you neighbour's recycling box. You'll have time while he's at church.
* Expect to find off things in odd places. Check under the bed for glasses, plates, and guests.
* If the party was a complete disaster with excessive noise and property damage, leave with the guests and stay at a hotel. Then come home mid-afternoon the next day, stand in shock on your front lawn, and yell loud enough for your neighbours to hear: "What the hell happened here!?!"
Why does it have to be at your place anyway?
The best New Year's Eve parties happen at someone else's home. You've put a lot of work into renovating and redecorating and it doesn't seem smart to put it all at risk for a few friends and neighbours who won't offer to pay for the damage and in many cases won't even remember doing it.
If you start feeling pressure to have the party anyway (because you've never had it before, whereas everybody in your social circle has had seven turns each), point out the dangers of your home location, like the long distance to the nearest hospital and the short distance to the local police station.
Low Resolution
Resolutions ruin New Year's. I'm talking about the concept that there's something you haven't liked about yourself for the last 37 years, but you're now suddenly, tonight, going to get around to fixing it.
And you didn't even think of it until after the third drink. And didn't announce until after the seventh. You're just setting yourself up for failure. Don't do it. If you have to make resolutions, come up with some that have the potential for success. Like these:
* I will not eat anything I don't recognize
* I will strive to maintain my current fitness level.
* I will allow myself to be examined by a doctor, even if he has cold hands.
* I will be quieter, in deference to people who are intimidated by my unlimited knowledge.
* I will forgive all of my friends and loved ones and appreciate that I'm still way ahead on those exchanges.
~~~
