Friday, December 31, 2004
Daily Grin December 31
Hubby spent a few hours at work shovelling today. There were no deliveries to be made. We're expecting another 6 to 8 inches of snow on top of the 10 we had already and the snowplows haven't been to my street yet. We won't be going anyplace until Monday, when we return to work. At least I can watch fireworks from my window!!
Happy New Year!! J
Happy New Year!! J
~~~
New Years resolutions we can keep..
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
~~~
New Years Resolutions for Pets
12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my butt.
5. Always scoot BEFORE licking.
4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...
1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND
~~~
Daily Grin December 30
I didn't make my deadline, but came pretty darn close. It won't matter, because something much more important got done instead and I'll meet my deadline in a reasonable time. We are experiencing a blizzard here today. I stayed at the office a little later than I would have normally, and didn't realize how bad the weather was. I think at that point we'd had some ice pellets for an hour, then about 4 to 6 inches of snow. The plows hadn't been out yet and the roads were pretty bad. The wind will increase tonite and make some pretty nasty drifts out there. Hopefully the plows will be out tonite and clear away the bulk of it on the main roads.
It's a good time to just stay in!!! J
~~~
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
Barry Manilow: Original Gangsta
~~~
Daaad!
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later...
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later...
"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
~~~
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Fw: Daily Grin December 29
One more day of work this year. Maybe I'll even meet my deadline tomorrow... hey.. anything can happen, right? J
~~~
Donations to UNICEF's Indian Ocean Emergency Appeal can be made online at http://www.unicef.ca by toll-free telephone at 1-877-955-3111 or by mail at UNICEF Canada, 2200 Yonge Street, Suite 1100, Toronto, ON, M4S 2C6.
In the USA.... http://www.unicefusa.org/
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
Bob Dylan - Mumble Mumble Mumble Say What?
~~~
My Dad Always Says...
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
I don't get even, I get odder.
I am having an out of money experience.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths.
Practice safe eating, always use condiments.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
If it weren't for me, there'd just be a pile of my clothes on the floor.
I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.
~~~
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Daily Grin December 28
Had a very productive day at work today and got everything done that I had planned to....and then some! Hopefully, tomorrow will be more of the same.
I have included some links with information on helping those affected by the earthquake and tsunami. If you aren't able to help (and even if you are), please pass the information along. Maybe it will reach others who can help too!!! Encourage corporations to dig deep and if you work, challenge your employer to match any donations made by staff.
Every little bit helps!! J
~~~
http://www.redcross.ca/ - Red Cross Canada
http://www.redcross.org/ - Red Cross USA
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston Sing Songs Only Your Dog Can Hear
~~~
Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say
Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.
Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.
~~~
Monday, December 27, 2004
Daily Grin December 27
Back to work tomorrow. Three days of action packed fun, followed by a three day weekend... wheeeee!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Albums We Will Never Buy
Journey Salutes The Music of Yes
~~~
Your Family May Be Dysfunctional If...
- Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA.
- Your mother and your preteen sister are always fighting over the last beer.
- In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch.
- Bikers next door are always complaining about the noise.
- There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
- Family discussions usually begin with "Put the gun down."
- Instead of saying Grace at dinner, dad reads a passage from Penthouse Forum.
- Thanksgiving dinner consists of Wild Turkey instead of roast turkey.
- New bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family.
~~~
Daily Grin December 26
Turkey anyone??
Hope you had a great Christmas!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
~~~
'Twas the Day After Christmas
'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target and Mervyn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now charge away--charge away--charge away all!"
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target and Mervyn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now charge away--charge away--charge away all!"
He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"Enjoy what you got. . . . . .you'll be paying all year!"
"Enjoy what you got. . . . . .you'll be paying all year!"
~~~
Bonus Grin December 26
Since the Grin took a holiday yesterday, you get to enjoy a bonus grin today!
Hope you had a great Christmas!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
~~~
Ten things to say about gifts you don't like
10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.
9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.
7. Well, well, well...
6. I really don't deserve this.
5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.
1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity
~~~
Friday, December 24, 2004
Daily Grin December 24
We managed to get away early this morning to pick up our turkey and a few last minute grocery items. Traffic was insane and it was sooooo cold out there today.
We're looking forward to a relaxing Christmas tomorrow. Hubby and I gave each other a few early gifts to open and we'll open the rest in the morning.
Have yourselves a merry little Christmas!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Go slow for the full effect
~~~
A parent's night before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!
~~~
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Daily Grin December 23
We have four days off. I did bring a little work home with me, but not much. I had a very productive day today, except for a few minutes when I got distracted by Santa. Santa came to our office today and I invited him to sit in my lap. Of course, Santa correctly insisted that it should be ME sitting in HIS lap!! I think I made Santa blush when I told him I was probably going to be a naughty girl. I know *I* was blushing! lol Especially when Santa told me he leaves something SPECIAL for naughty girls! I think I was one of the last folks to leave the office today.
It's been very cold here.... close to -40F or colder with the windchill for a couple of days now.
Tomorrow, we'll pick up the turkey we ordered, do a quick shopping trip and then settle in for a long winter's night.
Two days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Go slow for the full effect
~~~
The strange Christmas scene
In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.
The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"
From the redneck dictionary:
FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
~~~bl
Daily Grin December 22
Yep, it's not your imagination.... the grin is late. Bah Humbug! lol I just didn't feel like sending it yesterday... too tired. So here it is, pretend it's yesterday (cos it's really only TWO days to Christmas! lol)
Three days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
by special request.....
~~~
Signs You Bought A Bad Christmas Tree
10. It's two feet tall, forty feet wide
9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride
6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it
5. It keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it
3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
2. Sales guy at the tree lot puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
5. It keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it
3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
2. Sales guy at the tree lot puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
and number one sign you bought a bad christmas tree:
1. It's constantly bragging about its "trunk size".
1. It's constantly bragging about its "trunk size".
~~~
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Fw: Daily Grin December 21
The first day of winter and the coldest here so far!! We are enjoying (sure) windchills that make it feel like -40F. I enjoy the cold but it was actually uncomfortable today. They (whoever *they* are) say it will warm up by the weekend. Of course, *they* LIE! lol
Four days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
by special request.....
~~~
Wrapping Presents (With a Cat)
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
~~~
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Daily Grin December 20
I got some funky tissue paper to help with the gift bag thing and I also picked up a few more gift bags. I think I can finish up the Christmas shopping tomorrow. Still very busy at work but hoping I can take some time off next week.
Five days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
~~~
Wrapping Presents With Dogs
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as he "helps."
17. Let puppy tear remaining paper.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth.
21. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog & sitting on them again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot.
26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix while puppy tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put it away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing tug-of-war with remnants of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs what good helpers they are.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as he "helps."
17. Let puppy tear remaining paper.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth.
21. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog & sitting on them again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot.
26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix while puppy tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put it away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing tug-of-war with remnants of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs what good helpers they are.
~~~
Monday, December 20, 2004
Daily Grin December 19
Okay, the tree is up (all two feet of it) and has decorations on it too! I emptied the gift cabinet and sorted all the stuff into gift bags. I haven't wrapped anything and even tho I normally prefer to wrap and then put into the gift bags, I might have to skip the wrapping part this year. I just have a few little things to add and then I'm done!! yay!!!
Six days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
~~~
Puppy Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed,
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed,
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
Eleven unwrapped presents,
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed,
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
Eleven unwrapped presents,
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed,
My wreath in nine pieces,
Eight tiny reindeer fragments,
Seven scraps of wrapping paper,
Six yards of soggy ribbon,
Five chewed-up stockings,
Four broken window candles,
Three punctured ornaments,
Two leaking bubble lights,
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me,
A dozen puppy kisses...
And I forgot all about the other eleven days.
A dozen puppy kisses...
And I forgot all about the other eleven days.
~~~
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Daily Grin December 18
One week to Christmas....I am so not ready!! Well... my menu is ready, but the gift cabinet is looking pretty scary. I'm actually afraid to open it because for the last couple of weeks, I have been just jamming things in there!! I suppose I should put up my mini tree and wrap some gifts tomorrow. I have tape, I have wrapping paper, I have gift bags. I can do this!! lol
Seven days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
~~~
Best Uses for Fruitcake
Bury them in the back yard for future archaeologists to discover.
Give them to your child for a science project.
Hang on to it to find out if there REALLY is more than one Fruitcake that's making its rounds every year!!
Use it to hold up a broken table or chair leg.
Mash them down and use for mortar when building a log cabin
Use as exercise stepping block for step aerobics.
Makes a wonderful dessert for Road Kill Cafe fare.
Use them to pave the freeways with. Just place them on the road and run a steamroller over them.
Use them as fillers to repair the river levees with! They last indefinitely and are so dense, water can never penetrate them.
Last and probably least - try eating it! One way to get rid of it!
~~~
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Daily Grin December 17
I took the night off and did some shopping tonite. Had another oh so busy day today and I have a HUGE pile of work that I brought home to work on this weekend. Maybe tomorrow, because I've had enough for today. One week to Christmas Eve.
Eight days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
~~~
20 Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
~~~
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Daily Grin December 16
Hi all, busy day again.... way too busy. Did some work at home again tonight and managed to get a lot done. Maybe I'll have a Christmas break after all!!
Nine days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Hey... a fun link!!
~~~
Christmas Quickies
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for
Christmas.
***
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
"What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the
defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this
shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
"What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the
defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this
shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
***
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
They'd been worn all week and needed the air.
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
They'd been worn all week and needed the air.
~~~
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Daily Grin December 15
I started my overtime today. I also managed to bake my cookies and wrap my gift for the potluck lunch/gift exchange!! I popped out at lunch to do some Christmas shopping and tomorrow we are taking a co-worker out for lunch. It's her last day with us on Friday which happens to be our potluck lunch, so tomorrow's the last chance to take her out.
Ten days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Hey... a fun link!!
~~~
Signs of Christmas
Toy Store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."
Bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."
Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."
At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."
A Texas jeweler store: "Diamond tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000.
A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything... a calendar to remind him when payments are due."
~~~
Daily Grin December 14
Now comes crunch time for me at work. I can expect lots of overtime for the next week or so and I will be really working on getting everything done early. I have my cookie dough mixed, but haven't had time to bake it yet!! wah!!
Eleven days to Christmas!!! J
~~~
From the "Don't take life too seriously" department....
Hey... a new link!!
~~~
A Kitten's Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me...
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough.
Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter. Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough.
Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter. Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me...
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't.
Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3" curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with a pair of tweezers.
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't.
Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3" curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with a pair of tweezers.
On the third day of Christmas, my kitten wrecked for me...
13 ornaments on my Christmas tree. My mistake was forgetting to chain the decorations to the branches. My other error was leaving the room to go to the bathroom while Sara feigned sleeping under the tree. How was I to know she was actually measuring its climbing potential?
Value of broken bulbs? $7.50 plus tax.
13 ornaments on my Christmas tree. My mistake was forgetting to chain the decorations to the branches. My other error was leaving the room to go to the bathroom while Sara feigned sleeping under the tree. How was I to know she was actually measuring its climbing potential?
Value of broken bulbs? $7.50 plus tax.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my kitten broke for me...
A statue in my Lenox Nativity. Would you believe two Wise men plus a head?
Lenox nativity figurines: $55.99
A statue in my Lenox Nativity. Would you believe two Wise men plus a head?
Lenox nativity figurines: $55.99
On the fifth day of Christmas, my kitten scratched for me...
The kid across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident. She merely wanted to reach out and touch someone. Unfortunately, she used an unsheathed claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to replace the boy's blood stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their choice. Although the amount must remain secret according to our settlement, let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers for the Salvation Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!
The kid across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident. She merely wanted to reach out and touch someone. Unfortunately, she used an unsheathed claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to replace the boy's blood stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their choice. Although the amount must remain secret according to our settlement, let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers for the Salvation Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my kitten opened for me...
The presents beneath my Christmas tree. It was only two, really. While doing some early shopping at a discount store, I purchased a catnip mouse for Sara's stocking. Apparently, anything in the same bag as catnip takes on its potent aroma for a very long time.
Replacement costs: $3.99 for another roll of Christmas wrapping paper, $4.50 for two empty boxes, $1 each for the kind of bows Sara can't unravel.
The presents beneath my Christmas tree. It was only two, really. While doing some early shopping at a discount store, I purchased a catnip mouse for Sara's stocking. Apparently, anything in the same bag as catnip takes on its potent aroma for a very long time.
Replacement costs: $3.99 for another roll of Christmas wrapping paper, $4.50 for two empty boxes, $1 each for the kind of bows Sara can't unravel.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my kitten lost for me...
The earrings I bought for my sister Mary. Actually, it was one earring but since Mary doesn't have a hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does make a more appealing gift.
Sale price: $29.95 plus tax.
The earrings I bought for my sister Mary. Actually, it was one earring but since Mary doesn't have a hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does make a more appealing gift.
Sale price: $29.95 plus tax.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my kitten helped me...
Replace my E and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the itty-bitty hole in the middle of my Yamaha guitar? Neither could I,but Sara thought so. And she succeeded once she got those rascally strings out of the way. Unfortunately, her little rear end couldn't get out the way it went in. After paying through the whiskers for her previous escapades,I would have been willing to leave her in the guitar for the duration of the holiday season, except that she chose to get stuck two hours before I was due at the nursing home for our annual Christmas carol sing-a-long.
Set of steel guitar strings: $12.95;
jar of petroleum jelly: 79 cents.
Replace my E and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the itty-bitty hole in the middle of my Yamaha guitar? Neither could I,but Sara thought so. And she succeeded once she got those rascally strings out of the way. Unfortunately, her little rear end couldn't get out the way it went in. After paying through the whiskers for her previous escapades,I would have been willing to leave her in the guitar for the duration of the holiday season, except that she chose to get stuck two hours before I was due at the nursing home for our annual Christmas carol sing-a-long.
Set of steel guitar strings: $12.95;
jar of petroleum jelly: 79 cents.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my kitten destroyed for me...
My Christmas card list when she walked across my computer's delete key. Cost for call to Computer Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't know what happened to the listings of B through H.
My Christmas card list when she walked across my computer's delete key. Cost for call to Computer Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't know what happened to the listings of B through H.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my kitten hid from me.....
The remote control from my 13-inch TV. This wouldn't be such a disaster if she hadn't previously stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Christmas specials, including my all-time favorite, "It's a Wonderful Life."
Rental of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2;
purchase of book, "Good Owners, Great Cats": $24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological profile of kittens with kleptomania.
The remote control from my 13-inch TV. This wouldn't be such a disaster if she hadn't previously stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Christmas specials, including my all-time favorite, "It's a Wonderful Life."
Rental of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2;
purchase of book, "Good Owners, Great Cats": $24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological profile of kittens with kleptomania.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my kitten ate for me.....
The drumsticks off my 19-pound turkey. OK, OK, So this one time it was my fault. I knew I never should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your first turkey, Sara. Want to try just a little piece?"
Cost: Christmas Dinner.
The drumsticks off my 19-pound turkey. OK, OK, So this one time it was my fault. I knew I never should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your first turkey, Sara. Want to try just a little piece?"
Cost: Christmas Dinner.
On the 12th day of Christmas........
Sara rested. And so, thank goodness, did my VISA card.
Sara rested. And so, thank goodness, did my VISA card.
~~~
