Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Daily Grin August 31
Today went well and Friday off is still looking like a real possibility. Thursday is another story. We'll have to see how tomorrow goes.
August is going to be over in a few hours and we didn't really get much of a summer this year. Most days were barely near 70 and they are saying that we shouldn't feel too bad because apparently Siberia had a cool summer too! lol I actually don't mind the cooler days because heat and I don't get along too well. It's not unheard of for us to have a heatwave in September. If we do, I'm hoping it will be next week.... when I have a loaner car from the autobody shop. It will most likely have air conditioning. My car does not. For those of you who didn't know it.... my car is also known as the "pizza oven on wheels". I don't know of another car that gets quite as hot as this one does, even on cool days. A snow brush in the back seat once melted on a sunny spring day with a temp in the low 40's!!
Who needs a slow cooker?? I should just pop a roasting pan in the back seat and dinner will be cooked when work is done!! lol
Have a good nite! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Roont - She done plum roont her shoes
~~~
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
~~~
Monday, August 30, 2004
Daily Grin August 30
Sofa... so gouda! That's my way of saying I made great progress today. Heck, I might even be able to take TWO days off this week!! lol
Well.... probably not, but a gal can dream, right? J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Rat - Do it rat now!
~~~
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
~~~
Daily Grin August 29
Another week is about to begin. It is already looking as though I will be able to take Friday off. If so, that will make for a four day weekend! yay!! I'll be very busy for the next two days, then I'll play catch up for two more and then it will be Friday already.
Our weather is supposed to improve some this week. We have been chillin' with temps in the 60's and might actually get into the 70's for a few days this week. Maybe the rain will let up too. I guess anything is possible, right?
oh... and thanks for not noticing that I had the date mixed up again! lol
Enjoy the week (and the Grin)!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Rainch - A big cow farm
~~~
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?" he yelled forcefully.
No one answered.
"All right, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go, what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
~~~
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Daily Grin August 27
The peaches are almost done, but the pears and apples are just starting to roll in and wild blueberries are now available! If you haven't already guessed it, I love this time of year for all the fresh veggies and fruits that are available. We had roasted veggies with supper tonite and I'll have some green pepper, sweet onion and taters fried up with my brekkie in the morning. Maybe I'll even make blueberry waffles! mmmmm.....
I had a very tasty t'mater sammich for lunch yesterday. Unfortunately, tomato and my tummy are not on speaking terms and I needed some TRolaids to get my tummy to stop screaming about the tomato sandwich. Don't you just hate when that happens??
Have something tasty and good for you today!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town
~~~
Wedding Preparation Guidelines
Announcement:
It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride's parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).
Invitations:
Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell "If you aint doing nothin' on the 14th of March, why don't you stop by my house for a cold one about 2 o'clock. Me and Jennifer's having some friends over to watch the ball game and witness our weddin'."
Proper attire:
For the bride, the key words are "be conservative." No matter how good it may look, refrain from wedding outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and dips also are frowned upon. This is not the occasion to show the world how big "they" are.
For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute courture, but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying home, consider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work shirt can create a natty appearence. And though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
The ceremony:
No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons have no place at the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, "If anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy matrimony..." tell the preacher not to pause too long, old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much.
Reception:
Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and avoid Saturdays, since that's bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all the cleaning deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up for the car.
When dancing never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is!
Common wedding questions and answers
Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.
A: Not if you are the groom.
Q: How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
A: At least one within a week of the wedding.
A: At least one within a week of the wedding.
Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post".
A: Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post".
~~~
Friday, August 27, 2004
Daily Grin August 26
Well, I managed to get through the day without anyone flipping me the bird today!! lol
I did end up working pretty much the whole day today, but my year end work is mostly done. I have a little bit of something I need to do next week, but the bulk of it is finished with time to spare!!
I'm planning on enjoying the weekend and relaxing for a couple of days before I head back to work next week. Maybe I'll be able to have a short week?? Anything is possible!!
Have a great weekend!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Rut - that there tree sure has long ruts
~~~
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" the doctor asked. "All over," the woman said.
"What do you mean, all over? Be more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "ow, that hurts. " Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too. " Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts," she cried.
The doctor observed her thoughtfully and said, "You have a broken finger."
~~~
Daily Grin August 26
What is it about people in 4 wheel drives that they feel cars should be either able to keep up to their abilities or get OFF the road!? I managed to inspire someone to road rage today. We had some very heavy rains in our city today and many of the roads were flooded to the top of the curb or higher. When you drive a small car, like I do... this means slow the heck down when going through that water or risk losing your brakes or stalling your engine. Mr 4x4 didn't think that slowing down was such a good idea, but unfortunately for him, he was behind me and didn't get a vote.
He made the mistake of trying to pass on the curb side when I momentarily edged toward some higher ground near the center of the road. He wasn't successful and is probably under the impression that I cut him off. When we were stopped at a red light a half block further up the road, he leaned on his horn because I wouldn't make the right turn on the red (we're allowed to do that here, if it is safe to proceed). Unfortunately for him (again), there was a stalled vehicle on the street we were turning onto. It was a multi-lane street and there was a whole lotta lane changing going on... which means... not safe to proceed. Mr 4x4 was waving his middle finger at me and honking madly. So... I put my reverse lights on. Momentarily. While my husband showed HIS middle finger. Sound like fun so far?? Sure it was! LOL ahhhhh life in the big city!! lol
So....the light turns green, we make the turn, get past the stalled vehicle and he passes me honking and waving that finger around again. No problem. Because... up ahead, I'll be making a left turn. If he's going straight, he'll be stopped in traffic, while I breeze past him. Guess what? He was going straight!! lol We whizzed past, while I honked a merry little "toot-toot-toot-toooot" and when I was stopped at the redlight, several car lengths ahead of him and one lane over, I glanced in my rearview to see him waving his soggy middle finger at me again. I hope he had an aneurism for lunch.
I'll be working tomorrow, but hopefully not for the full day!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Rang - you wear it on your fanger
~~~
One day, a guy was on his way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as he sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into his windshield. If that wasn't strange enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper.
Just then the light turned green and there the guy was with a bird stuck on his windshield. Without any other apparent options, he turned on the windshield wipers to try to get rid of the bird. It actually worked. On the upswing, the bird flew off, and it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind him. Unfortunately, the car behind him was a police car.
Immediately the lights went on and he was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told him that he saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead his case fell on deaf ears. The officer simply stated, ''I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.''
~~~
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Daily Grin August 25
I had a very productive day today. I might even have all or part of Friday off!! yay!!
Enjoy Grin...and have a good nite!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Purt near - almost; he purt near caught that greased pig
~~~
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small hick Southern town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went. He found a tiny town with a single store.
He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines or 3 sixes?"
~~~
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Daily Grin August 24
Today was another busy day, but productive. Tomorrow is the middle of the week, which means that when the day is done, the week is more than half done.
I think I can, I think I can......
Enjoy the Groan... uh... Grin...and have a good nite!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher
~~~
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.
After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!
Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
~~~
Monday, August 23, 2004
Daily Grin August 23
Had a busy day today and looks like the rest of the week will be more of the same... Have a good nite!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Pokey - what the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in
~~~
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.
A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens."
"Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!"
"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
~~~
Daily Grin August 22
Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend. Our weather is still very much on the cool side. I prefer it to hotter days, but the farmers could use some warmer weather.
It's back to work tomorrow and it's crunch time for year end. I'll be calling the body shop tomorrow to see about getting my car in for repairs in two weeks and maybe I'll actually have a day or two off next week. Now, if I can just make it through THIS week! lol
Have a great week!!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Petition - What separate the rooms
~~~
Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.
They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.
After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, 'OK, so who was playing the yellow ball ?'
~~~
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
Bad Golfer: "Whack!" "Dang!"
Bad Skydiver: "Dang!!" "Whack!!"
Bad Skydiver: "Dang!!" "Whack!!"
~~~
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Daily Grin August 21
Okay, today was a lot more relaxing than yesterday. Hubby and I did our regular Saturday routine and did some serious relaxing in between. Our weather has been really something else lately. This will go down in the books as the coldest summer ever. So much for global warming!!
Have a great time reading the grins!!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Parch - sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow
~~~
SIGNS SEEN:
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon : Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
On a Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck : "Let us remove your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."
At an Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for,you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company: We would be delighted if you'd send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills."
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
~~~
Daily Grin August 20
What a day!! ack!! Took my car to two bodyshops for estimates. I'll call Monday to arrange to have the work done just after the long weekend in September. I'll drop it off that Tuesday and have it back by the Friday and they'll provide me with a loaner car to drive. All the repairs are covered by insurance and I won't have to pay either deductible, but I do have to get a patch of rust repaired. The cost is pretty reasonable and my car is going to be very nice and shiny on one side!! lol The other side is only having the mirror replaced. That's so I'll be able to compare the two sides from the comfort of the driver's seat.
After that, I went to two different shopping malls to scope out stuff I might want to buy with my gift certificates. I'm trying to decide if I really want a DVD player... I'm guessing I probably do.
I also went to one of the fruit and veggie places and to the bakery which is next door to it. Cinnamon buns anyone??
It was a busy, but VERY productive day off.
Have a great weekend!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Pank - a light red color
~~~
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, 'Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!'
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. 'Yes?' replied the teacher.
'Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?'
~~~
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Daily Grin August 19
I have the day off tomorrow. YAY!! I did bring a little work home, but nothing too challenging. Think I'll finally go get the body shop estimates for the damage done to my mirror and by Dr "hit and run" so that I can finally make a decision and get the repairs done. I'm going to get two estimates because we have some rust damage that will need to be repaired at our expense when the insurance repairs are completed.
I boogaloo'd through work today and still have plenty to do, but should be able to handle it all next week.
Hope you all have a fun day!! Enjoy the grin!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Ormy - What the sojers go in
~~~
John and his friend George go golfing together one Saturday morning, as they have done for 24 years straight. Yes, you might say these guys were fanatics about their golfing.
Later that day, John returns home exhausted, and plops down in the easy chair. His wife is concerned and asks if something went wrong with his game.
"No, no," he replied, "I had the best game I had in years! As a matter of fact, I started out the first three holes at 4 under par, including a hole-in-two on the 3rd."
"So why are you so beat?" his wife asked.
"Well, George had a heart attack and died on the 4th hole," he said.
"What?!? And you're so exhausted from trying to save him, huh?"
"No, It was very quick and there was nothing anyone could've done. But after that, it was just hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George..."
~~~
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Daily Grin August 18
I had such a good sleep last night, I managed to sleep through a major storm. Apparently everyone in the city was awakened at about 4am by said storm except us!! Can sleep meds work by osmosis?? I took a benadryl, but dear hubby hadn't taken anything at all! lol
The weekend is almost here and I am soooo ready for it!!
Enjoy the grin!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Orrel - Them hinges need orrel
~~~
Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, ''Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.'' Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game.
After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. ''Help me find my ball; you look over there,'' he says to Sid. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces triumphantly.
Sid looks at him forlornly, ''After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?'' ''What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!''
''And a liar, too!'' Sid says with amazement. ''I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!''
~~~
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Daily Grin August 17
Is it Friday yet?? I didn't sleep well last night and I'm zonked. Had a very hectic/busy day again at work and it looks like that will be my pace until two weeks from now. I'm hoping that I can then enjoy some time off in September. For now, I'll set my sights on the weekend.
Have a good nite and enjoy the grin!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Nup - NO
~~~
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him. To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, ''You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree.'' With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, ''Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.''
~~~
Monday, August 16, 2004
Daily Grin August 16
I had a busy day today and tomorrow should be full tilt wonky! Is anyone else looking forward to the labor day long weekend as much as I am? lol
There's not much interesting to tell y'all today, so enjoy the grin and have a great week!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Nayk - Your head sets on it
~~~
A German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Athens Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, "Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault."
Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, "Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put."
Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD'S, went into a nearby hardware store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, "Hank Jamison, USA, Fencing."
~~~
There's not much interesting to tell y'all today, so enjoy the grin and have a great week!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Nayk - Your head sets on it
~~~
A German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Athens Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, "Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault."
Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, "Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put."
Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD'S, went into a nearby hardware store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, "Hank Jamison, USA, Fencing."
~~~
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Daily Grin August 15
Today was a much better day... the sunburn is starting to settle down and the aches and pains are also improving. It's a busy time of year for me so I'm glad I don't have a large garden to look after. Those of you who have ever planted a few zucchini will appreciate today's grin.
Have a great week!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Nar - Opposite of wide
~~~
THE BEST ZUCCHINI RECIPE EVER!
1 bushel zucchini
1 raincoat
1 pair of sunglasses
A moderately fast car
1 raincoat
1 pair of sunglasses
A moderately fast car
DIRECTIONS:
Go to a busy parking lot. Drive around until you find an unlocked car.
Put the zucchini in the back seat and drive away FAST before you are discovered!
Go to a busy parking lot. Drive around until you find an unlocked car.
Put the zucchini in the back seat and drive away FAST before you are discovered!
~~~
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Daily Grin August 14
I'm really feeling it today... my thighs are sore from getting in and out of the golf cart and from all the bending to tee off and get my ball from the hole after sinking my putt. My sunburn looks pretty nasty, but I have some wonder-lotion for it that cools and numbs it and also keeps it moisturized, so it's not too bad. Of course, I had socks on yesterday... so I have an extremely goofy tan/burn line at my ankle because I was also wearing my capri pants! lol
Speaking of yesterday on the golf course, there were some domestic ducks at a waterhole. They came begging for food and we unloaded a bag of chips on the ground. They would eat from my hand, but I almost lost my fingers when they'd snap a chip from me (BIG ducks!).... anyway... we drove away on the golf cart and I looked back to see all these big ducks waddling after us at top speed quacking for more food!! Maybe you had to be there, but it was the funniest damn thing!!
aaaaaflaaaac!! lol Funny ducks!! I laffed my butt off!! lol Even funnier is when we encountered the ducks a little later. If I tried to walk toward them, they'd turn around and waddle away. Sooooo.. I tried something different. I walked BACKWARD toward them. Get this... they kept coming toward me as long as I wasn't facing them. All of a sudden they'd realize I was right smack in the middle of them and they'd scatter! Okay, maybe THAT was the funniest damn thing! LOL
Enjoy the grins.... have a great weekend!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Minners - Live bait
~~~
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, 'What is this, Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father said to his son, 'Go get your Mother.'
~~~
Friday, August 13, 2004
Daily Grin August 13
Well... apparently I don't totally suck at golf!! I won the putting contest and our team won second place, so I have some great prizes! I also had a lot of fun, but I did get a little sunburned. My team made me the designated putter, so that part was pretty great. They told me I did very well for my first time ever playing golf. It helped a LOT that our team captain is a regular golfer and that he's very good, but my putting helped a lot too.
Enjoy the grins.... have a great weekend!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Meer - what you see your self in
~~~
Top Ten Food Ideas Rejected By McDonalds:
- Chicken McBobbitts
- Salmon McNella
- Tom & Roseanne "Together Forever" Value Meal
- Shirley McLean Burger
- Filet o' Gefilte Fish
- Way Too Happy Meal
- Lion King Hairball Happy Meal
- Them Ain't Nuggets!
- McKitty Sandwich
- McKitty Sandwich
- Grumpy Meal, Dopey Meal, and Sneezy Meal
~~~
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Daily Grin August 12
Hopefully I'll live through the golf game tomorrow and be alive and still have the mental capacity to post the grin for you tomorrow (mental capacity = no concussion)
I'm looking forward to the day but I also know I have a LOT of work to do over the next two weeks... I have to be certain to have a lot of fun while I'm out tomorrow. Hope you have a fun day too!!
Enjoy the grins.... see you tomorrow!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Mailk - what you get from cyows
~~~
Two stupid farmers had this mule that was a very hard worker. The only problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go nuts and kick everything.
One day, the farmers decided to cut an opening in the top to prevent this from happening. While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and asked what they were doing, so they explained the problem.
The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit.
The farmers thanked their neighbor and he drove off. Then the one farmer said to the other, 'Some stupid neighbor we have, it's not his feet that's too long, it's his ears!'
~~~
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Daily Grin August 11
It was another busy day today, but a good one too. Today was pizza day for us because Friday is my company golf day and they're feeding us a steak dinner after golfing.
We have been experiencing some pretty cool weather here. Not that I mind very much because I sure don't like the heat much, but it has been a little TOO cool. The weather should be a little warmer, but still mild for the next few days.
Enjoy the grins.... see you tomorrow!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Liberry - where you go to check out books for larnin
~~~
A traveller was driving through Arkansas when he lost his way and got off the main highway.
As he drove by, he saw rows and rows of pigsties and pigpens and pigs running in fields and pigs wallowing in mud. Suddenly, his eye caught something really strange. He did a double take, muttered to himself and then looked a third time. He wondered if he had seen correctly - it looked like a pig with a wooden leg!
He found the lane to the farm and drove up into the farmyard, where he was met by the farmer. "Excuse me," the traveller said. "I was just driving by and looking at all your pigs, and I noticed something that I just had to stop and ask about. Tell me, did I see right? Is there really a pig out there with a wooden leg?"
The farmer smiled. "Oh, that would be old Caesar you saw. He's the finest pig a man could ever hope to have - and smart! Well, let me tell you a little about that pig. You see that barge down there on the river? That's a mining dredge, taking out platinum ore. Old Caesar sniffed out the vein and showed us how to set it up. Now that dredge brings me in about $120,000 every year.
"There's another thing, too, a little more personal. One night a couple of years ago I got to drinking and I guess I had more than I should have. I passed out drunk, fell down and knocked over a lamp. That started a fire in the house and old Caesar smelled the smoke. He came in the back door, got the wife and kid out, roused me up and got me out.
There is no question about it - that night old Caesar saved all our lives and you know that is not the sort of thing a man is going to forget too easily."
"Why," the traveler said, "this is all amazing! I have never heard of a pig like this before! This is fantastic! But tell me, how did he get that wooden leg? Was he in a wreck or something?"
The farmer laughed and said, "Well, naturally, when you have a pig that special, you don't want to eat him all at one time!"
~~~
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Daily Grin August 10
Whew!! I had a busy day today and the rest of the week looks like more of the same!
Enjoy the grins.... see you tomorrow!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Laig - Most folks have two of them
~~~
A feller is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What on earth is that all about?"
The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm."
"Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?"
The farmer replied, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."
~~~
Monday, August 09, 2004
Daily Grin August 9
My week started much better than last week did and I'm pretty happy about that. It's going to be a busy week and no time off for me, but that's okay, there's a lot of fun ahead for me.
Have a fun week!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Laymun - a sour fruit
~~~
Morris asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"
~~~
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Daily Grin August 8
Oh look... another Monday tomorrow!! ack!
At least this week will start better than the last one did. I have a lot of work to do this week and not much time to do it all.
I have a half-day meeting arranged for Thursday and the whole company is going out to play golf all day on Friday. I have never played golf, but apparently that is not an issue with these people. lol
Hope you enjoyed the weekend!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Tar - his core blew a tar
~~~
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies
Yes."
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS . . .
PUT ON TWO COATS
~~~
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Daily Grin August 7
I love this time of year... all the fresh fruits and veggies. Fresh honey and raspberry syrup for my ice cream. mmmm....
Can you tell we were shopping today?
Hope you are enjoying the weekend!! J
~~~
Southern Word of the Day
Hard- got a brend new hard hand
~~~
The AOL Car
The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."
~~~
